AudioPilz and the Beastly Spectacle of Bad Gear

The Ghoulish Gathering Begins

With Halloween as his stage, AudioPilz kicks off his supernatural showcase. Instead of succumbing to the usual low-effort trickery of plastic pumpkins and StoreX decorations, our Austrian provocateur promises something much more chilling: a top ten list of the scariest music gadgets to ever enter the market. His mission? To unveil the musical monstrosities lurking in the shadows—those synths and samplers that make your ears bleed and your fingers regret they ever touched those keys.

"We, however, are going to talk about ghoulish synths delivering horrific tones."

© Screenshot/Quote: Audiopilz (YouTube)

A Dive into Synth Hell: Numbers TEN & NEIN

"System 1's carry good tones in a rotting corpse of a keyboard."

© Screenshot/Quote: Audiopilz (YouTube)

Enter the Roland Aira range, with its swamp gas aesthetic and goth-inspired aura. AudioPilz paints these digital devices as the goth kids of synth world, hiding delectable sounds behind garish façades. Despite their toxic looks, the System 8 and TR8 prove their worth where it counts—the sound department. The Yamaha RM1X follows, a relic of an era that confuses more than it excites, its UI a test of endurance that even the bravest of musicians might shy away from. For those daring to traverse through its dungeon-like interface, it rewards with a control capacity that only a grandmaster of musical sorcery could fully appreciate.

The Plight of Promises: Akai's MPX8

Unmasked at number EIGHT is the Akai MPX8, a relic from a time when Akai navigated its own dark days. This sample player, described as inarguably terrifying, fails to deliver on its promises with sound playback that betrays its users. Its interface seems to have been designed in a torture chamber, complete with heinous reverb and a lack of basic features that even the simplest samplers boast. Limiting and rigid, this gadget appears to be stuck in a £5,000 loop akin to a nightmare that continues to haunt music shops years after its cursed birth.

"Inarguably the most terrifying piece of bad gear to ever grace this cursed timeline."

© Screenshot/Quote: Audiopilz (YouTube)

Drumbrute and D110: Drum and Dread

Arturia’s Drumbrute is a mischievous imp, luring in users with an appealing interface, only to deliver a percussive cacophony unfit for any dance floor. It’s a siren’s call for those seeking rhythmical satisfaction, only to find themselves lost in a sea of disagreeable sound. Meanwhile, the haunted Roland D110 parades as a ghost train overloaded with parameters. Its mere sight sends shivers down the spine, especially for those who aren’t either synth wizards or well-versed in Roland’s esoteric design ethos. Braving its horrific interface often leaves musicians entangled in a nightmarish maze, attempting to decode its cryptic messages.

The Scandinavian Shock: Teenage Engineering Choir

This segment introduces us to the peculiar Teenage Engineering Choir. It’s a bizarre diversion from the traditional synth path, employing Scandinavia’s infamous eye for the unusual. The Choir seems designed to provoke more than to play, raging war against conventional synth players. It’s as if the designers were concocting an experimental potion meant to cause chaos within the music tech community, and by all accounts, they excelled.

Lost in the Prophecy Labyrinth

"The iconic Choric Prophecy is both timeless milestone in music history and the lament configuration of music technology."

© Screenshot/Quote: Audiopilz (YouTube)

The Korg Prophecy is lauded for its place in synth history, yet Florian doesn’t shy away from exposing its merciless user experience. Behind its praised capabilities lies a labyrinth of bewildering menus and brain-melting configurations. For the courageous, it offers the potential for expressive soundscapes, but for the casual user, it’s more like sending one’s mind through a meat grinder.

FM Fantasms and Akai's Unholy Trinity

The Every 80s FM Synth segment reveals the soul-crushing complexity that comes standard, save for the user-friendly Korg 707. With a process that resembles solving an ancient riddle, these synths often leave users yearning for simpler times. Meanwhile, the infamous Akai animals, articulated as a triumvirate of terror, exhibit sounds that redefine ‘dissonance.’ The Timbre Wolf, Tom Cat, and Rhythm Wolf still manage to evade redemption, a testament to their notorious reputation in the synth circles.

The Eternal Octatrack Odyssey

The Elektron Octatrack, sitting at number ONE, symbolises the eternal struggle between synth enthusiasts and overly complex machines. AudioPilz doesn’t hold back, likening its steep learning curve and labyrinthine manual to a journey through a gothic horror novel. Nonetheless, it still enjoys a cult-like following among electronica aficionados, reminding us that sometimes, the line between torture and passion in music gear is perilously thin. It’s the Halloween piece de resistance—a device that’s as much an enigma as it is a tool.